Since NaNoWRiMo is over and I didn’t even get close to the goal of finishing the novel, I need to figure out how best I’m going to proceed. Part of me wants to drop this novel and begin working on the publishing of the first book of Crow. This piece has been finished for a couple of years now…. I did the final draft over a year ago…I think. But another part of me wants to finish this first draft, then publish Crow. I’ve even entertained the idea of publishing traditionally, but it all comes down to having not enough time.  Every time I try to do anything production in this area, something always comes up that requires my immediate attention.  It’s like something is saying not yet. You are not to do this yet and yet; I feel that time is slipping away. I know that I’m not getting any younger and yet, I really don’t feel any older. This is my true emotions right now. It feels like I’m in a rut, that just doesn’t go anywhere. When I was younger, I was filled with all these dreams. I felt, I knew, that I would be making a difference in the world…afterall with all those idiots running around, I would surely be making my way quickly to the top…I mean how hard could it be?

And now, I’m one of those idiots. No, I didn’t make it to the top. I’m still on the bottom, barely scraping by just to survive and yet there are those who are worst off then me. I have a loving wife, two beautiful nieces, a supporting mother-in-law, parents who love me and siblings that I mostly get along with. I also have my own house, even though it seems that every week I’m doing some kind of work to the house…It’s still my own place to lay my head…and there is a lot of people who don’t have this.

So don’t get me wrong, I am grateful, this was just not the life I was expecting or even planned on. Now comes the part where I say something witty about how life is like this…. but what is the point? You know, when I first started writing this piece, I did not even plan for it to go in this direction, but it did and now that these emotions are out and, on the page, I don’t regret them, though now I’m trying to figure out how to end this piece, so that I can get ready to go pick my wife up at 3pm.  As I said, I didn’t get done the writing I had planned to do, this is no where near an outline, but it was what was needed to be written and that is good enough for me.

Sincerely,

Richard Polk