I had an emotional break down.

It wasn’t anything major-

Just my emotions taking over-

A bit of a hiccup, you might say.

It is a thought, a notion.

Undoubtedly untrue-

But yet – there is no evidence to prove otherwise

Now, I’m not talking about the basic stuff-

In fact, in this area, I seem to be lucky or blessed.

My basic needs are met- yes, I do have to struggle and fight for them- but they are provided.

Yes, I have been incredibly lucky when it comes to my health and overall safety…especially at work. It seems that something or someone has been watching my back

And yet, where is the breakthrough?

Where is the breakthrough that I have been looking for, that I have been searching for- where is the meaning – the purpose that I long for? Yes, yes, I know, I’m where I’m suppose to be right now and all I need is a little patience.

But how long am I supposed to be patient?   

I have been looking for this breakthrough, ever since I started down this path. I have learned a good may things during my time here and I have no doubt that there are more things for me to learn. But I’m tired of waiting and I yearn to move on… and yet the Guide remains silent?

Could it be that I have closed myself off? Did I wander or stray? Perhaps? Am I trying to go back? Maybe.

But back to where, when it seems that I have been left to find my own way and yet blocked at every turn.

What is going on? Why can’t I succeed? Why does it feel that I’m cursed – rather than blessed?

Why doesn’t the Guide speak to me?  When will it be my time to shine?

Am I looking at this the wrong way?

I’m trying not to be selfish. I’m trying not to make it about myself

And yet, I know what this is how it sounds.

I just want to know, when will I be useful- when will my potential be fully utilized?

How much longer do I have to wait?

How much longer do I have to stand at the ready?

Is there more that I have to learn?

If so, what?

Tell me, teach me, so that I can learn and move on from here

But do not let me stand here in the silence, wondering where you are