Journal Entry 248

5/13/2022

I hate waiting. It requires a lot of patience- something that I don’t have a lot of. I know that certain things take time- but when you wait for the time allotted and it’s still not there, then you have to wait a little longer and that always gets on my nerves. You would think that me being a writer, that I would have learned a good deal of patience – but no. I think the reason for this, is that for the most part I have control over my writing. It is my one freedom – that no one has a say in. It is my escape from this world. My sanctuary if you will and no one has control of my inner thoughts, no one knows them – unless I share them. This is the way I like it- this is the way it must always be.

However, when it comes to things outside of the writing realm, when it comes to everyday situations – I feel and know that certain things are out of my control and this bothers me.

Now I’m not as bad as I use to be. When I was younger, I would freak out about situations that I couldn’t control. It got to a point however when I realized that no matter how much I freaked out, how much I tried to control the situation, that it always resolved itself in time – in a way that I least expected it.

This is why I now force myself to take a step back and let things that are out of my control, play out and when the time is right – then I pounce. Or if that situation was not meant to be, then I try a different way.

Either way, I strive to take every day at a time and though it is not easy, this is the only I have learned to at least find some kind of peace.

Sincerely,

Richard Polk